I hate bad drivers…

Argh!

So I’m doing the 4 hour drive home last night after a day of business meetings on the road. My friends who have spent time in Germany always lament at the sorry excuse for drivers ed and driving standards we have in this country, and I emphatically agree. Last night, I witnessed MANY examples of asinine behavior…

My least favorites:

One: The jerks in large trucks (big rigs or panel trucks) who feel the need, in a 65mph zone in a congested section of I-85, to pass another truck at a speed of 67mph, because the other guy was only going 66mph, thereby occupying the passing lane for 2 minutes to make a single pass… while the prevailing speed in the fast lane in that area is 80mph+…

Two: The complete idiot in the Chevy Cavalier who was employing the exact same passing strategy, except they were passing an “undocumented Mexican immigrant” in tiny pickup truck, in a 55 zone, in an entirely wide open and deserted area of divided 4-lane. I patiently waited behind them until they were several car lengths in front of the pickup. Still cruising maybe 2mph over the posted limit, in the “fast lane”… I quickly and politely flashed my lights once in a courteous request to pull over. Instead they shot me the bird, and SLOWED DOWN to come back beside the pickup, where they maintained their position…

I flashed again. They shot the bird again. At this point I turn on several hundred watts of high beams, xenons, and rally lights, and leave them on, illuminating the interior of the POS Cavalier like a magnesium flare… they turn on the bird, and leave it on, and maintain pace… then they slow further (to about 40mph), allowing the pickup to overtake them on the right… I drop back a bit, they anticipate my move, and they move into the right lane to block… doofus… I instantaneously kick in 15psi of boost and overtake on the left, then move back into the right lane like a courteous motorist when it is safe to do so.

Mind you, I have NO interest in “racing” a teenager in a POS bone-stock Cavalier on ANY day – there’s no sport in it, and I don’t want even idiots like this to kill themselves when I’m nearby… and I have even less interest in it at the end of a 12 hour workday in my last hour of drive home. I just want to motor. But this nimrod moves back into the left lane behind me and takes up the chase. I resume my V1-aided cruising speed and watch the Cavalier in the side mirror. Eventually, fear of losing their license if they were to happen upon a state trooper overtakes their testosterone level, and they slow back down to something approaching their original speed, as me and my blazing rally lights disappear up the road.

WHY do kids feel compelled to behave this way? I was just driving, minding my own business, and they decided that the left lane was somehow their God-given property and I was unreasonable to want to make use of it for a moment or two… Argh… Back 20 years ago, a buddy and I fantasized about the ultimate automotive accessory, the “Asshole Missile”, that, once launched, would seek and destroy such wastes of oxygen. I went so far as to figure out how to make PVC launch tubes for Estes rockets to fit on my roofrack… I’m about ready to revive that design effort…

4 Comments

  1. I totally feel your frustration. My wife had to physically restrain me from ordering a custom vinyl sticker for the back of my MCS:
    F++k me when I drive as bad as you.

    -hang in there mate

  2. I was gritting my teeth just reading this!

    Some people just really don’t understand what the left lane is for.

    But I will add this Carlin quote which is good to think of in certain situations..
    “Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”

  3. Not one of my prouder moments but after reading your plight, I felt compelled to tell you what happened to me on Xmas eve.

    I tend to speed… that’s a given. I don’t care how fast I’m going, if a vehicle is going faster and I’m in the left lane (which is ONLY when I’m already passing) I will immediately pull to the right lane to get out of his/her way.

    My daily driver is an 8″ lifted H2 with 38″ tall tires and a supercharger. It tends to be a little intimidating except on Xmas eve.

    I was on my way home, drove back from my bodyshop and was about to pull into my drive when I got a phone call from an insurance adjuster. He was sitting at my shop and though apologetic for being there on Xmas eve, he said he was going on vacation and if I didn’t catch him then, it would be almost two weeks before I could see him.

    Argggh, I turn around and drive back to the shop. I deal with him and when it’s time to go home, it’s been a long day and I’m tired. This is the only time you’ll see me drive the speedlimit.

    I was on 485 driving 72’ish (okay, a little over the limit) and I could see an Acura in the left lane. LONG before I came upon him, I gently eased into the right lane to go around him. I never took it off cruise and though I’d normally try to “force” him into the right lane, I was too tired to mess with anyone.

    As I get beside him in the right lane, he decides to speed up. I punch it and though I’m about to pull from him, there is a truck in my lane. I ease off the gas, slide back into the left lane behind this idiot giving him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he realized he needed to get out of the left lane and was speeding up to do so.

    Yeah, right…. the idiot then pulls up next to the truck in the right lane and stays right at 62 mph blocking me from passing.

    I flash my lights (I also have some 150 watt driving lights on my front brush bar) but to no avail. I then leave my high beams on and turn on my driving lights… bright enough to count every gray hair on the back of his head. This guy looks to be about 50’ish… not some teenager.

    This goes on for approx. 3-4 miles. Now I’m pizzed… in fact, so much so, I purposely drive past my exit. So I take my 7000 lb vehicle and crawl up this guy’s rear end. Finally he doesn’t like it and steps on the gas and jumps into the right lane.

    But it’s too late, logical reasoning has left my brain. He pulls into the right lane and so do I. I follow this guy for at least 8 miles past my exit.

    I can’t believe I a) let this idiot get the best of me and b) acted in such a way that I digressed as much as he had.

    And really, I was tired, I just wanted to go home.

    My pet peeve has always been people that drive in the left lane. In fact, for many years when I lived at Lake Norman, I had a little S-10 pickup with 4″ white letters that read…

    IF I HAD TO PASS YOU IN THE RIGHT LANE

    THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF THE LEFT LANE.

    I got many thumbs up and questions on where to buy that sticker.

    Hopefully when my mini arrives this week, I’ll have to rely on speed to get around this left lane hogs and not force my way around them.

    Motor on….

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